We ask leaders to communicate with clarity.

Say less.

Be direct.

Avoid over-explaining.

Hold your ground when the stakes are high.

But then the holidays hit, and suddenly that calm, intentional communication style gets replaced by subtle overfunctioning.

Because when people return home, they don’t just walk into a house…
They walk back into a dynamic.

Into roles they’ve outgrown but haven’t fully escaped.
And so they start:

• Softening opinions that would be stated clearly anywhere else.
• Justifying personal decisions that no longer need approval.
• Feeling that familiar sting of being around people who want the performance of connection, not the reality of it.

This isn’t a communication problem. It’s a nervous system loop.

Your brain remembers exactly who you had to be to keep things smooth…maybe invisible, maybe agreeable, maybe in charge of everyone else’s mood.

But leadership at home isn’t about reverting to who you were.

It’s about protecting who you’ve become.

So if you want to practice authentic leadership this season, try this:

• Say the thing once. Then stop talking.
  Let the silence land. If it’s uncomfortable, that’s the sound of growth.
• Stop explaining decisions that don’t need consensus.
  Not everyone has to get it. Especially if they never will.
• Let people be mildly uncomfortable.
  Their reaction isn’t your responsibility. Your presence doesn’t require dilution.
• Watch for the moment you shrink, snap, or over-function.
  That’s your signal to step out of the old role and back into your current self.

Because this isn’t just a family interaction.

It’s a leadership moment where the stakes are emotional, and the habit is deep.

You don’t need to stay small to earn your place.

You don’t need to abandon yourself to make it through the holiday.

The version of you you’ve worked hard to become deserves to be protected – even at the dinner table. Especially there.  

If you want to make 2026 different from last year, call me for details on our new coaching cohort.  

Cristina “Dodging Drama” Filippo