I was talking to my daughter yesterday, and we talked about all the messages we get as women on social media.  In the end, I practically yelled into the phone, “Now I have 40 women on Instagram telling me I need to yap in my reels so I can make $1M in 40 minutes.”  Alexis let me go on for a bit and then said, “Do you feel better getting that out?”  Yes, I did thank you – the pressure is real.

I wrote my doctoral dissertation on work-life balance, stress, and coping in healthcare. After years of research, here’s the conclusion almost no one wants to hear: the phrase itself is quietly making women feel like failures.

Balance assumes every part of your life should carry equal weight at the same time. Work, family, marriage, friendships, your health, your home.

All of it, perfectly level, every single day. And when you can’t pull that off, which is always, you carry a low level of shame that you’re doing it all wrong.

You’re not doing it wrong. The concept is wrong.

Real life doesn’t run on balance. It runs on seasons.

Some seasons, school gets the most of you, and your nights belong to a textbook.

Then comes a season where it’s all career, and you’re heads down building something.

Then the kids arrive, and they get everything you’ve got.  School parties, homework, and sports.

Then they’re grown and gone, and the house goes quiet.  You get into a good rhythm where you get to focus on yourself.

And then your parents start needing you in a way they never have before.  There is the pain of loss.

Not one of those seasons is balanced. And not one of them means you’re failing.

The skill was never keeping every plate spinning evenly. It’s knowing which plate matters most right now, and letting the others wait without the guilt.

So stop asking whether you’re balanced. Ask what season you’re actually in. Give yourself grace for what it’s asking of you. And then soak it up, because it passes faster than you think.

What season are you in right now?  For extra support navigating work-life stressors, DM me,

Cristina “More Grace Than Grind” Filippo