I was coaching a CEO a few months ago. Sharp, driven, the kind of leader who returns every call and remembers every name.

She was also quietly unraveling.

Not because of a bad quarter or a difficult board. Because people in her organization weren’t treating each other with basic respect. And it was eating at her in a way she couldn’t quite explain.

Here’s what I told her: the frustration you’re feeling isn’t a leadership weakness. It’s data. And the research is pretty striking.

Your brain is wired to detect disrespect the same way it detects physical danger. Same neural circuitry. Same threat response. Research from UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman found that social pain (being dismissed, ignored, or disrespected) activates the same region of the brain as physical pain. It’s not that disrespect feels bad. It literally hurts.

Which means when you walk past someone without acknowledgment, skip their email for three days, or talk over them in a meeting, you’re not just being rude. You’re triggering a threat response that shuts down their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for creativity, problem-solving, and engagement.

You are neurologically making people worse at their jobs.

There are two types of respect in every workplace. Owed respect is the baseline. Every person, regardless of title, deserves to feel seen and treated with basic dignity. Earned respect recognizes individual contribution and performance. Most organizations are wildly imbalanced on one or the other, and both have consequences.

Harvard Business Review research found that employees who experienced disrespect at work intentionally pulled back their effort, quality, and commitment. Leaders spend an estimated seven weeks a year managing the fallout.

Seven weeks. Because of something that costs nothing to give.

The CEO I was working with wasn’t the problem. But she was the only one who could fix it.

Here’s the truth: 70% of organizational culture is driven by leader behavior. Not your handbook. Not your wall decal. You.

The person cleaning your office at 10 p.m. has the same nervous system as your CFO. Treat them accordingly.

We are going to be opening a new women’s coaching group. DM me if you’re in.

Cristina “Treat Everyone Like a Human” Filippo